Flies on Ivy
by thejade
Summary: Ivy Valentine tries to figure out what one of her father's inventions does, but a fly keeps intervening.


**Author's Note: Here's the next fanfic from my Soul Calibur Humor Fanfic series. I hope you enjoy. It's short. Please review at the bottom!**

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Ivy pushed her eye glasses back on the bridge of her nose, her blue eyes focusing on the piece of paper in front of her. _I'm getting too old for this kind of thing_, Ivy told herself silently as she rested her forehead against her arm. _Reviewing all these old inventions takes forever!_

All of the blueprints Ivy had discovered in her father's studio had a clear function. Although most couldn't be created by Ivy because she actually had a life, Ivy could tell that her father really was a genius before his mad jump over the sanity line. Unfortunately, there was one blueprint Ivy had found that didn't show any purpose.

Ivy's life became focused on building the invention.

Her butler, Nimnim, always relayed overly-sentimental messages from over-achieving suitors.

"Miss Valentine, I request your appearance at a dinner…"

Ivy before finding the unknown blueprint: "Party! Whoops! Better not drink too much. Wouldn't want to end up in somebody's bed…again…"

Ivy after finding the unknown blueprint: "I'm working!"

"Miss Valentine, may I have a personal word with you?"

Ivy before: "You can have a personal time with me."

Ivy after: "Be gone, one-worder."

"Miss Valentine, please pay the carriage boys."

Ivy before: Ivy grabs her sword and swings it around frantically.

Ivy after: Ivy grabs her sword and swings it around frantically.

Ivy sighed. She had managed to find all of the materials for the machine. Unfortunately, she didn't know how to turn the damn thing on.

_Thud, thud thud._ Ivy groaned inwardly as the footsteps reached the door of the workshop. _Not again…_ Ivy grabbed the handle of her snake sword and stood up, preparing herself for the individual at the door.

They knocked on the door.

Ivy unraveled the snake sword. Its blade pieces splintered off until it formed a long whip with pieces of the blade evenly distributed every two inches of the metallic whip.

They turned the knob of the door.

Ivy pounced at them.

The individual—Nimnim the butler—blocked Ivy's attack and stood rigid in the doorway. Ivy made the whip blade into a sword again.

"What is it, Nimnim?"

Nimnim coughed. "First, Miss Valentine, my name isn't Nimnim."

Ivy was sorting out papers on her workbench. "Uh huh, ok…what is it?"

The butler not named Nimnim coughed rather rudely. "Miss Valentine, it is lunch time. Would you like your lunch taken here?"

Ivy handled the blueprint of the unknown machine again. "Yes, yes, whatever, Nimnim."

"Ma'am, my name isn't—" The butler not named Nimnim suddenly stopped himself and rolled his eyes. "Yes, ma'am, your lunch will be delivered here right away." The butler, whose name wasn't Nimnim, left Ivy, closing the door behind him.

After a few silent moments, Ivy suddenly glanced up from her nose on the blueprint. _What the…_

Ivy frantically looked around the workshop. A buzzing sound came from the window. A dark expression came across her face as she set down the blueprint.

_Dammit! That fly again!_ The buzzing sound became audible as Ivy neared the window. The fly—the _horse_fly—was ramming itself into the window pane. Ivy could had laughed and allowed the fly to find its way out of the workshop, but she wasn't the type to be bullied by a fly!

Ivy picked up her shoe and cautiously approached the fly. It sat still for a moment. Ivy smiled darkly. With a swing of her shoe, Ivy hit the fly with the heel of the shoe. She took pleasure in taking the bully fly's life. Ivy began to laugh uncontrollably.

"Mwahehehehehe!" Ivy coughed suddenly as she pulled her shoe off the now-cracked window. She turned away with a sense of satisfaction.

_One less pest to worry about!_

"Huh?"

_Buzz, buzz, buzzzzzzzz_. Ivy whirled around, her eyes widening in disbelief. The fly buzzed around her face.

"Why you—"

The fly landed on her nose.

"Get away from me!"

Ivy swatted at the fly—really, her nose—and managed to hit herself in the face. Ivy staggered towards her workbench from her own strength. When she stopped seeing doubles, Ivy sat down at her workbench, staring at the invention in front of her.

_Well, I guess I killed that stupid fly!_

Ivy began to laugh again. The sense of satisfaction was even greater! She had taken the fly's life yet again and it felt great!

"Mwaheheheheheheh!"

_Buzz buzz buzz buzz!_

Ivy ducked under the workbench.

_It's coming back for its revenge! I knew it! _

Ivy closed her eyes and assumed a fetal position.

_Please don't let it bite me!_

_Thwack!_

Ivy opened her eyes cautiously, unsure of what to do next. After a few moments of silence, Ivy finally pulled herself from under the workbench. She peered at the source of the sound. The fly—the horsefly—had landed in the circular part of her father's invention, where a small blade was set up.

The fly—the horsefly—was cut in half.

Ivy stared at the invention's labors, dumbfounded.

_It's a fly killer!_

Ivy started to laugh again.

"MWAHEHEHEHEH! I beat you, stupid fly!"

_Buzz buzz buzzzz!_

"Not another one!" _Now how do you set this thing back up again?

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**Author's Note: I hope you liked it! If you enjoyed this fanfic, please read any of my other Soul Calibur Humor Fanfic series: "Sandwiches for Kilik," "Gypsy Mirrors," and "Hwang's Laundry." Also, I have a lengthy fanfic series under the name "Spilled Porridge." Please review!**


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